Thursday, September 14, 2006

First you twist it, then you lick it, then you dunk it, then you eat it...

The highlight of my extremely boring day at home was to kill a cockroach. And no, I did not actually twist it or lick it. I tried to dunk it and I definitely did not try to eat it.

I was just minding my own business grading my papers when all of a sudden, Packrat shoves my chair out of the way, with me on it. Before I could summon the muscles in my face to look hurt, I notice a look of fear in his eyes and sense him recoiling. Following his line of sight, I discover a roach under our desks.

What to do? Panicky husband, gross bug.... I order panicky husband to get me a container. He's all twitchy and skittery and he's not the one that's going to get a giant container descend upon him. Anyway, I do that and I grab the first piece of paper I can find to act as a bottom for the creatively crafted prison that now houses the offensive bug. Unfortunately, the piece of paper I use is actually the cover sheet for my exam papers. Can you say Oooops?

With Packrat dodging out of the way but following closely behind me, I take the 6 legged cargo, skittering around in its enclosed space to the other bathroom, planning to flush it down the toilet. I do not tell Packrat that the paper is thin and I can actually feel the spinnidly legs running around in, in a frenzy. Because of that frenzy, it managed to avoid the toilet bowl totally and landed in the corner of the bathroom. That emitted a screech from me, sending Packrat into waves of panic as he imagined a giant cockroach eating up his only defence from the bug world!

But Super Ondine, with bug killing powers regroups and manages to get the errant cockroach back under the plastic container. She's out of ideas as to how to kill it since the preferred way of flushing it down the toilet doesn't seem like it's going to work for this bug. So, she leaves it under the container while she thinks. She's just about ready to leave it there to suffocate when Packrat (strange that he's so well informed when he daren't go near the bug!) her that bugs live on very little air and it'll take forever to suffocate the critter.

What to do, what to do, what to do? Super Ondine spots the huge, giant bottle of Clorox sitting on the floor and a lightbulb bubble lights up over her head. Clorox the little bugger. Now the question is how to get Clorox into the semi-airtight cell that houses the cretin? First, find some paper, preferably not the cover sheet to another set of scripts (the previous cover sheet was hastily flattened and smoothed out although if CSI took a look at, they would probably find bug juice on). Super Ondine and her trusty sidekick settle for a credit card bill - it is one way of getting the offensive looking bill out of the way. Pour out some Clorox, carefully because that stuff stings and stinks when it gets onto skin (regardless of whatever super power one may have and bug killing powers are ranked VERY low on the list), and then pour it onto the bill, in one concentrated spot. Then slide the paper, carefully and slowly it under the container, till the Clorox spot is directly under the container and then, we wait.

First there was the sound of six legs scrambling (actually five because one leg was later found outside the container) then there was frantic skittering, then total silence, just silence. Only broken when Packrat calls out from behind "Is it dead yet?"

That's how you gas a cockroach to death. And that's when Super Bug Killing Ondine turns back into regular Ondine. I'm told it was an extraordinarily elaborate way of killing a cockroach but hey, when you've been stuck at home the whole day, your brain goes into hyperdrive and no job seems too small a job for Super Ondine. And I even took photos to document it. Well, one photo to show the crudely made gas chamber for cockroaches. If you look very carefully, to the right of the container, say about your 3 o' clock, you can see the leg that broke off amidst the ruckus.

cockroach

I'm not going to patent it or anything. So, if in the event of a cockroach sighting in your house and you don't have a cat, by all means try my method. All you need is some paper, a plastic container, something to weigh it down (in my case, I used a bottle of air purifier oil), some Clorox and one skittish husband and you're all set.

Q.E.D.


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Ondine tossed this thought in at 22:18

6 thoughts...

6 thoughts...

At 1:24 am Blogger Tym said...

Wah. WAH.

 
At 2:05 am Blogger char said...

I never flush cockroaches down the loo, because I'm afraid it will climb back up in the morning and bite me in the ass.

Nab it in a plastic bag, tie it up and throw it away next time! Less chance of renewed attack by angry vengeful cockroaches.

 
At 11:17 am Blogger Woof! said...

watch out for the PETA people!

 
At 1:39 pm Blogger wahj said...

Chlorox? Air purifier? Sounds like a clean kill to me = ) ...

I used to kill flies by trapping them in a plastic bag, then dropping a phonebook on them from a height. I did this so I could go through the moral legerdemain of arguing to myself that it was gravity, not me, that killed the flies.

During examination period (when I would be trying to study and the buzzing of flies would be especially galling) I used my Physics textbook instead – there was a particularly enjoyable irony in that.

 
At 3:03 am Blogger  said...

haha! great idea! except that at our place, either NAB would slam it dead with a slipper - or wahj's method - with a book, or more likely, the dogs would get to it first.

and they would actually complain if we didn't leave the creature for them...

 
At 12:40 am Blogger Wes & Jo said...

heyhey,

next time can roll up life section newspaper and give it a solid whack, it'll get really concussed and then you can flush it down the loo.

wahj - you're weird

wes

 

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