Wednesday, June 18, 2003


I have been informed that a journal entry is long overdue. I realised that sometime late in April but just never had the time nor the energy to actually put up anything. The month of May was exceptionally busy. By the end of May, both of us felt that we had been planning the wedding forever and it was never going to come round.

By the first day of June, the both of us felt that everything had past too quickly and we couldn't remember the details of our wedding that had just past.

Now, it's two and a half weeks later and this is my first crack at trying to put into words the wedding and the last two months or so.

We're in Melbourne now, on the last leg of our honeymoon. It's been slightly strange. On the first night of our honeymoon in Sydney, the wind down of stress hit me and I came down with the usual laryngitis which left my vocal chords in shards for the next few days. I am told this is my usual reaction to stress. When I finally completed my honours year, I lost my voice. All through the stress of churning out the thesis I was fine, but the minute the final assignment needed to be handed in, that's was it, my voice disappeared. Same thing happened.

The build up to the wedding was stressful. Everyone wanted a part of us, we never had anytime to talk about anything else but the wedding and this was after planning the wedding for more than a year. I ended up crying alot, not sleeping very much and not eating either. By the time the wedding was over, I was 47kgs. At the height of my ballet or track days, I had never been that thin. Of course, three weeks past and I think I would be lucky if I'm under 50 now.

Being in Melbourne now is strange. Packrat asked me yesterday whether I was having fun. The truth is that I am, but the problem is that it's slightly bitter sweet to be here. We had these idealistic notions of Melbourne, but I suspect that having been back in Singapore for so long, parts of Melbourne are no longer as attractive as they once were. I told Packrat also that I think it would have been better if we didn't go to somewhere so filled with nostalgia. We visited Little Palmerston the other day, looking for this cat that stalked the area outside the apartment and it took all of me not to burst into tears when I looked up at the windows that were once my brother's and his rooms. So yeah, the nostalgia is making it slightly difficult. Apart from that, I must confess being here and being married, doesn't feel very different from being here as being here and being boyfriend and girlfriend. I suspect it has much to do with this being a place where it was always just "us".

We leave again on Sunday. I have reservations about that because it means we go back to reality but like Packrat says, it also means we finally get our lives out of limbo and finally start living it. Also we get to pick our wedding pictures and maybe then, some bits of the wedding that have become very cloudy will be made clear once again. And and and, Saturday is Harry Potter Day and we're going to camp out at the book store for the 9.01 am release. It's akin to my Mango sale expeditions so it should be fun.

I'll write again soon, when we get back into Singapore and reality. Right now, everything seems very surreal and it's hard to talk about reality with cotton wool in my head.

This marks my first entry as a married person. I don't think it sounds very different.

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Ondine tossed this thought in at 00:53

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" Far in the stillness, a cat languishes loudly"