Saturday, January 19, 2002
In Days of Yore
I was once told this story, that there was this box within the computer that contained magic smoke. This magic smoke was what powered the computer. It was sort of like harnessed energy. Anyway, the story goes that, the day the box is opened and the magic smoke escapes out of the computer, the computer will work no more.
So there, that's the explanation for why I haven't written. I tried to switch on my computer and white sparks flew from the back of the computer and it went "poof" and there was smoke all round.
I know that's not an excuse, but it's the truth.
I have also started work. I'm a form teacher of a Sec 1 class (that's about Year 7). So, it's exhausting and I've lost my voice since I yell on top of my lungs for 6 hours a day. I just found out that I can use a portable mike in class but I don't particularly want to look like one of those air-controller people, with a speaker piece and all. Not a good look.
I have realised from where I am that I love teaching and I love the interaction with the kids (providing the kids interact, but that's an entirely different story altogether). What I hate and will put me off teaching is the presence of self-serving individuals who will backstab you in order to make themselves look good. My department is headed by one such person. I had to sit through a two hour ordeal where she expounded on her great teaching virtues and diligence and how we should aspire to be like her. Excuse me while I barf in the corner.
The kids on the other hand, especially my form class, are rather wonderful. They're funny, they get sarcasm and think I'm cool because I indulge in buffyspeak to bring examples to life. However, I have been informed that my coolness is still under probation (their words, not mine), since I don't watch Roswell. Well, I do not apologise for not being 13 all over again.
I look at them, especially the ones who have just come up from the primary school and I remember what it was like when I was that age. Not funny. I fought with my mom a whole lot and was hated by most of my classmates because, a) I spoke English (most of them spoke Chinese), therefore I was branded a snob, b) I ran track and was thought to be the next big thing from day one of school. It made matters worse that the track coach was our form teacher, so the kids saw me as the teacher's pet. I now realise that it was part jealousy and part immaturity on their part, together with my inability to giggle hysterically (then and now). I don't know. I just never giggled and whispered; it must have been the growing up with 2 brothers that made me roll my eyes at such people. Therefore reinforcing the misperception of me as a snob. Well, maybe I was, in that sense, but REALLY... no matter how cute some guy is, he IS not giggle worthy.
So anyway, it's brought back all those feelings. Anxiety, loneliness, the desperate need to fit in...I watch my classes for people like that, mostly because I know how sucky it can feel. I made it through Secondary School fine and when I look back at it now, it wasn't that bad. Academically speaking, it was the best time of my life. But I must admit it was a character building exercise. Oh no, I'm turning into my brother. My brother once told me that anything horrible that happened to us in life, was to make us better people. That was the first thing he said to me, after handing me the tissue box, when I went to him crying about the end of a seven year relationship. But I think it's true and I tell that to my students whenever I make them do something unpleasant- that it builds character. They give me this very doubtful look but it shuts them up. Well, it will till they come up with some retort.
Well, that's what I've been thinking about since the last time I wrote. The re-settling process is getting easier. I still get cranky, especially when I don't have time to write, or email or be on icq. And sometimes, when I don't catch myself and hear someone speak in Singlish (English with a Singapore twist to it), I immediately think, " Oh, that person must be from Singapore" and then I realise that I am in Singapore. So, both Daniel and myself were quite thrilled when we were at Tangs (i.e. Myer) and this modelesque promoter gave us a sachet of perfume and spoke with an Aussie accent. I was also quite thrilled to have found P& N juice on the shelves here. Ah, the taste on Melbourne in a plastic bottle. :)
It's been only a month so it'll be a while more before I'm truly Singaporean again, if there is such a species.
I promise I'll try to write again soon... I always have so much to say but I'm often hampered by the fact that there are mosquitoes here and I would like very much to be far far away from them "make me itch and scratch" bugs.
So later now.
Ondine tossed this thought in at 10:11
0 thoughts...
0 thoughts...
" Far in the stillness, a cat languishes loudly"