Friday, December 14, 2001

The End is Near

The packing of the house has finally begun and it's depressing. My room's in a mess, it no longer looks lived in and I'm finding stuff that's making me all nostalgic and depressed.

When I first moved here, I was told that I would leave here 10kgs heavier. I was determined to not let that happen. Unforturnately, weight gain is this creepy little bugger that sneaks up on you. So, even though I've known that I've put on weight and some of my clothes don't fit so well, it hadn't occured to me that I've gained a whole lot of weight, until today. I found some photos of a ballet piece I did before I moved here and I was soooo thin. Daniel keeps trying to console me by telling me that I can't stay pubescent looking forever and that I had to become a woman someday.

Does becoming a woman necessarily have to mean that I put on weight? Sigh..So I just sat down and burst into tears for no apparent reason other than the fact that I was a skinny 22 year old and am a "womanly" 25 year old now. Daniel was lost for words I think.

I think it's unfair, that anyone has to put on weight if they don't want to. Apparently, I'm to blame the weather for the weight. It's colder here, so to keep warm, you eat more. I guess so, but don't you also burn more to keep warm. *mutter mutter*

That's basically what I've been thinking about the whole day. That and the fact that I have 8 test-pads and a ton of stationary to bring home. Every holiday when I go back to Singapore, I buy stationary because stationary here is expensive and the paper is not nice. But I think I've bought more than I've used, so I'm bringing back a whole lot of it. And we're freighting it back at $1.50/kg. I don't think my mom is going to be too pleased. I don't care though, I'm fat.

I'm hoping that I'll shed all the weight when I go home. I wish I had the time to keep the sort of dance schedule that I did then. I danced 6 days a week and was in uni about 3 days then. It felt good. You know when your body is fit and toned. And I want to be able to be like that again. I like that feeling. Well, we'll see how many ballet classes and pilates classes I can fit in when i go home.

Ok, this entry is slightly whingy and whiny. I apologise. It's just that I've always taken pride in how I look and it's always been important to me. I'm not proud of the fact that I've let myself slip, so I'm in a slight self-flagalating mood right now. Sorry..

I'll leave it at this, maybe tomorrow, I'll write something chirpier.

Ondine tossed this thought in at 08:28

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