Thursday, August 30, 2007

Chillin'

Tym and I were talking about how vibrating at a high frequency for long periods of time can be somewhat destructive to the soul. And having to look after 2 kids and one of them through the night often leaves me vibrating at an extremely high frequencey that is difficult to come down from. At home, I feel like I must always be doing something, tending to the babies or when the babies are sleeping, it's time for me to do stuff online, or sort out things or whatever. It seldom crosses my mind to just kick back and watch tv or read or heaven forbid, sleep.

But the cracks start to show after a while. I'm testy and edgy because I'm on that high frequency hum all the time and I'm not really aware of it until something really annoys me or something makes something inside me go snap. Then, I realise that it's time to step back a little. It's difficult though, because of the new additions to my family. But it dawned on me that I had to start finding pockets of time to just to be. Not anything else, not try to be supermommy, superteacher, superfriend, but just be.

And I found that, on some level, I knew that. Everytime I take the bus, I bring a book. It's a habit. I love taking the bus or the train because I get to read and not have to worry about anything else or be distracted. But these last few times I've been on the bus, I would reach for my book, flip it open halfheartedly and put it back, preferring to just stare out the window. I never enjoyed doing that, I always thought it was a waste of time, but now, I relish it. It gave my mind time to just dial a couple of notches down and stare mindlessly at the people, the traffic, of course occasionally interjecting with a snarky thought about how someone is dressed- even when the brain is idling, it doesn't let everything go unnoticed. It reminds me a little bit of a poem I learnt as a child in school-

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.


I don't think my life qualifies as poor at this point, just full. And going into a state of peaceful humming in neutral gear is possibly the best way to nourish it at this point.

Ondine tossed this thought in at 07:23

3 thoughts...

3 thoughts...

At 4:07 am Blogger  said...

hey, the 1st 2 lines were in the 1997 GP compre paper, and the subject matter was just what you were talking about! :-)

 
At 12:20 pm Blogger Tym said...

儒 > I remember that too! Those first two lines are permanently seared in my memory as a result ...

 
At 8:56 am Blogger carrie said...

I can totally identify with those sentiments...taking the bus, having time for my own thoughts.

 

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