Wind In My Head: Who am I?
Wind In My Head
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Who am I?
I've been a mother for about 10 days and one thing that bugs me is who I am now? Personal Psychology tells me that I've acquired yet another facet of self which is true. I am now a mother, on top of the various facets that I've been juggling around the last 31 years of my life. But then again, I'm sometimes made to think that this is the only facet of my life that I should be paying attention to, to the extent of ignoring the others.That, I realise I can't do.
Over the last week and a bit, the happiest times I've had are not actually with the bubs. I say this with a bit of guilt but that's another post for the diaper blog. The happiest times I've had over the last week were when Packrat and I were out getting groceries or just chatting about what's been going on in the world or even our futures. The reason? Because it grounded me and reminded me that I hadn't changed. My life might have, but fundamentally, I'm still me and I'm still keen to know what's going on out there and that my husband and I are able to talk about things that do not revolve around diaper changes, feeding times and sentences that begin with "you know what your son/daughter... did today?" although it is now part of our repartee, it is not all that our repartee consists of.
It's a strange feeling to know that things have changed and I'm struggling to find myself in that change. A mother told me that, as soon as I accept that my life will revolve around my kids most of the time, it will be easier for me. I agree and that is one quest I'm still on.
Ondine tossed this thought in at 13:50
2 thoughts...
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At 12:35 pm
Threez said... You're doing fine... they will definitely feel and seem like aliens for about, oh, 3 months. Then once they suddenly connect with you - or once they give you a voluntary smile "Helloooo Mommy!", you'll feel like you've done this all your life.
And yes it's absolutely 100% normal to feel best when you're back alone with hubby -- the little moments to the Cold Storage become like your First Date all over again. So anyone who tells you you should be all maternal and can't bear to leave your babies alone is a Nazi and should be returned to Germany asap.
Hang in there - I promise you will be feeling much more normal and more like yourself in 2-3 months.-
At 6:26 pm
HairyDonut said...
I had the same problem - reconciling my "single" self with being a mother. And then with the guilt that comes with being a mother of a young baby.
Very difficult.