Sunday, June 25, 2006

What She Really Wants...

It seems there's a pattern to be had. It rains on my birthday. I distinctly remember last year's birthday and how I was at breakfast and we had to rush home to shut the windows because the heavens opened on us. And this morning, I woke up to dreary weather that could rival the depressing wet winters I've seen.

Another year's gone by. My thirtieth year of existence, I wish I could say rocked, but it didn't really. It wasn't bad. But it wasn't good. I had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of facing reality and coming to terms with things that I couldn't do. It was, let's just say, a year of discovering me. Learning more about myself, about how much I can be pushed, about how much more I can be pushed. Learning that being weak isn't always a bad thing and that being strong all the time can be one's greatest handicap. Peeling off the layers of what love really means, of leadership and submission, of giving up and letting go, of being in control and of ceding control. I also discovered what committment really meant and what longing and wanting was all about.

Despite having chosen to teach, I found myself constantly being taught in the last year, lessons that I have had no choice but to follow and right up till this point, I don't think I'm quite done yet. So as much as I hate that I'm now a year older, I can't help but be thankful that the last year is over.

I start my thirty first year filled with a little bit of fear, some butterflies in my tummy, a whole lot more of faith and a tad more hopeful that this year will be as fulfilling as the last but maybe, just maybe, a little bit easier than the last.

And that, is what I want, as my birthday present.

Ondine tossed this thought in at 23:25

3 thoughts...

3 thoughts...

At 12:09 pm Blogger cour marly said...

Happy 30th! The pics from your holiday are lovely.

 
At 10:48 am Blogger rook said...

happy birthday :)

 
At 1:19 am Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot said...

Oooh, late! Happy birthday!

 

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" Far in the stillness, a cat languishes loudly"