Wednesday, December 06, 2006

How NOT to be a parent, way #187

The scene.

Television is on. Old re-runs of Friends playing.

Credits by the Rembrandts are playing.

Phone rings. Same song plays.

Girl looks round confused, thought bubble forming : What the.... Oh... right, phone. Must. Change.Ring tone.

Girl stares at phone frowning at the "private number" display: Hello (cautiously)

Parent: HELLO??? IS that tuition teacher?

Girl walks into bath room because Friends is on too loud and she doesn't know where the remote is: Yes... (annoyed)... Hello Mrs xxx (resigned)

Parent: Tomorrow you coming tuition right?

Girl, wanting to bang head on wall already: Yes (warily)

Parent: Tomorrow, I want you to teach my daughter how to write.

Girl, asking herself why why why did she take up the assignment: Write? Erm, your daughter knows how to write.

Parent: Yah, yah, but her writing no good. You must change her writing style.

Girl, asking herself if all this is worth while: Change her writing style? Her writing style is fine. She needs to learn how to develop her ideas though.

Parent: REALLY? Her writing style no good lah. I read other people's writing, her writing no good. You must change her style. And teach her more big words.

Girl: (breathing deeply) Her writing style is clear. Her grammar is good, I wouldn't change her style.

Other side: But it's not complicated enough. I thought her writing must be more complicated.

Parent: Mrs xxx, we teach students how to write simply. If they write simply, they get their point across more clearly. Your daughter merely needs to learn how to write more analytically.

Parent: Yes, she writes too simple! Like small child. Change her style to write more complicated than more analytical.

Girl: Mrs xxx, writing analytically does not mean writing complicatedly. In fact, the more complicated and convoluted the writing is, the less the point gets acrss and the less the point gets across, the more she is going to be faulted and the fewer marks she is going to get. (gasps for breath).

Parent: Orh, like that ah. Then her vocab how like that? Always use simple words. Donno how to use big words. She, this girl, dowan to read, how to learn big words.

Girl, wishing she never took on this job and never picked up the phone: Sometimes, the use bombastic vocabulary causes immense discrepancies to occur during the adolescent's cognitive processes and bona fide piece of work. (Haha, gotcha!)

Parent: Har??... What?

Girl: Sometimes, using big words can cause your daughter to think one thing but actually write another thing.

Parent: Oh, is it? I thought big words very good. Like that, how to score ah? You got good essays, make my daughter memorise can?

Girl: I'll see what I can do and please don't worry, I know how to help your daughter. (read: butt out or I'm going to quit!)

Parent: Yah, yah, must pressure her more. She, this girl, can take pressure one. And you must pressure her to read.

Girl: Your daughter's trying to read Noam Chomsky. I think she's pressuring herself to read all by herself.

Parent: Noah who? No good lah. Make her read more...

Girl:(rolling eyeballs) I'll see what I can do. I'll bring in some Time magazines for her.

Parent: Ah! Yes, yes! Time magazines is good. Noah what thing, ah yah, waste time.

Girl: Right. Anyway, I'll see your daughter tomorrow.

Parent: Yes, yes, don't forget ah, must pressure her some more.

Girl, hangs up phone. Ensures phone is hung up, yells at husband: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Girl storms out of the bathroom, turns mobile phone onto silent and rewinds entire episode, turning up the volume.

Stage dims.

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Ondine tossed this thought in at 15:54

1 thoughts...

1 thoughts...

At 11:22 am Blogger Jenny said...

Oh so true.

*sighs*

What is Singapore coming to that teachers should have to deal with that sort of parents?

 

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