Saturday, June 10, 2006

A Girl's Guide to surviving soccer

I'm no longer a soccer virgin. The opening match between Costa Rica and Germany just ended.

Admittedly, I dozed during some parts but I actually witnessed all the goals and I was even caught up enough to screech "Goal!!!!!" quite convincingly.

Now, how does a girl who has absolutely zero interest in soccer survive a 90 minute match?

1. Have many other girls around.
2. Comment on how cute the German soccer players are.
3. Make fun of their names that sound suspiciously like different types of sausages.
4. Eat Mamee, with and without the seasoning.
5. Watch Jaime Oliver make Chilli Con Carne during time.
6. Fight with the boys for the remote control since boys want to watch bad B grade shark movie that stars Lou Diamond Phillips.
7. Place bets on which team might win, with nothing to win except pride and a couple of M&Ms. Change score margins every five minutes reinforcing fact that girls are fickle and flippant.
8. Discuss how painful various groin directed injuries are, revelling in the fact that we will never get kicked in the balls.
9. Discuss where Costa Rica actually is and wonder if it's a nice place to go on vacation.
10. Drive boys crazy by asking every five seconds what a penalty is, who the defenders and strikers are.
11. Comment on how clean and pretty the German boys looked at the beginning and how muddy and possibly smelly they became at the end of 90 minutes.
12. Wonder about how true it is that soccer coaches traditionally do not allow their players to have sex the night before a game.
13. Speculate how badly the Costa Ricans could beat the Singapore soccer team with both arms tied behind their backs and half the number of players.
14. Reminisce about watching Liverpool and Manchester United thrash Singapore and how they so deserved to win because they were absolutely the cuter team.
15. Drink copious amounts of alcohol/iced tea/beer and talk very very loudly.

All in all, a very successful introduction into the world of soccer. Maybe I might even concede to watching another match.

Packrat has already made his predictions on the Paraguay-England match for tomorrow.

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Ondine tossed this thought in at 02:14

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