Wind In My Head: Comfort Dreams
Wind In My Head
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Comfort Dreams
I have a penchant for strange dreams. My subconscious has a mind of its own and I've dreamt about the weirdest things. Last week, I dreamt that my principal and I were playing a practical joke on someone and I was laughing so hard, I woke up laughing. On other occasions, I've dreamt of people giving birth to puppies, cartoon character coming to life, you name it, I've pretty much dreamt it.Sometimes I dream of being back in primary school. I'm an adult, squashed into those tiny tables and chairs. Usually these dreams have some anxiety in it. I'm taking an exam, I'd forgotten to hand in homework or I'd plain forgotten how to speak Chinese (which isn't too far fetched!). I never realise that I'm actually anxious about something till I have school dreams.
And then, there're the comfort dreams. Like comfort food, just more ethereal, long lasting and calorie free. And they're often about houses. Houses that I've lived in before. Never the ones that I currently live in. Perhaps that's a case of not knowing what I've got till I don't have it anymore.
I've been feeling very very blue lately. And it's hard to talk about, it's hard to put a pulse on it. I'm mostly okay during the day because I'm busy, but when I'm alone or have settled down for the day, it hits me quite hard. There's a lot of hurt involved, hurt from within and from people who really don't know that what they've said has hurt me. Hopefully, they never will know. But still, it stings, it bugs me and it weighs heavily on what I may have to do in the next few months. And it all depresses me.
I guess of all things, my subconscience in the best position to be aware of my state of emotional dissonance. And it did its best to provide me with solace, by putting my grandmother's house into my dreamscape. It was a rambling pre-war house that had every pest under the sun. Lizards, mosquitoes by the hoards, white ants, moths certain times of the year, everything. But it was a home that everyone in my extended family had lived in at one point or another. When she passed away and it had to be sold, my mother and her sisters dreamt about their grandmother giving them a hard time about selling it. My cousins and I talked longingly about finding 2 million dollars to buy it and keep it within the family. Everyone had some attachment to it. The tiles were from 1940. So were the doors and windows. The mosiac tiles and the rough walls (apparently to keep the lizards away, but the house lizards must have grown little Spidey hooks on the feet pads because they still scuttled around) that were rough to the touch but soothed the soul.
So I dreamt we lived there, as if we never left. It wasn't a visit into the past because Packrat's marking lay on the table. And there wasn't much going on in the dream that I remember. Just sitting and talking and being in the house. I still woke up blue this morning but when I walked past our dining room table with Packrat's marking on it, I realised that for a few precious hours last night, I wasn't blue and I was quite contented and it was enough for now.
Ondine tossed this thought in at 08:07
1 thoughts...
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At 9:38 am
Cowboy Caleb said... You kenna Tomorrow
http://tomorrow.sg/archives/2005/10/10/all_you_need_is_a_little_patienc.html