Thursday, January 10, 2008

The new working Mom

It's been back to work for me for the last two weeks. It isn't as hard as I thought it would be to leave the kids although I do feel a bit sad if I leave the house without saying goodbye to the both of them. Even though it's a new place and I'm still feeling my way around, it doesn't feel all that bad. Somethings are like riding a bicycle; you never forget them.

But it has made realise some new things about me. For one, I sure do eat a lot now. It's probably the breastfeeding but I really do eat like there's no tomorrow. At the back of my mind, I know I should start running again but I keep wondering how to magic some time out to run. I miss the running. I miss the running without getting a stitch two minutes into my feet hitting the asphalt. But I keep being reminded that I'm a different person now and my body's a different being now. A fact that I have not yet fully comprehended. And to prove the point, even though I'm eating so much, I'm losing weight. So technically, I don't have to run. But running's in my blood so... Now see the problem?

To do with my body being different, there's also a sudden fear of steps. And my new work place has reinforced this fear because there're tons of steps, everywhere. And I'm paranoid of missing a step and falling. Something that I have come to fear. Once again, it's a throwback to being pregnant and not being entirely sure where my centre of balance had been shifted to. I think it's also got to do with how my distribution of weight shifted so drastically during the days of blimp that my body hasn't caught up with my mind in terms of coordination and the latest updates that I no longer have the physique of a beached whale. To make matters all the more precarious, I've started wearing my 3 inch heels again so even though the belly's gone, I still worry about missing the step and plummeting to certain social and professional death with wild rumours about the klutz the management just hired.

So not only am I grappling with a new job, I'm grappling with a new body as well and I haven't figured out which is the stranger of the two yet. One is more exhausting, one is more confounding. Both are equally puzzling. I think it drives home the fact that I miss the status quo. Change isn't all bad, I'm not unhappy. It's just strange.

Ondine tossed this thought in at 17:05

1 thoughts...

1 thoughts...

At 5:29 am Blogger My Life as a working mommy!!!! said...

I so relate! Am starting work on Monday, hopefully it won’t be hard... lol I eat a lot too since having my baby, I blame it on breastfeeding..

I like the way you put your new experience as "it's strange" I'm praying I don’t get unhappy when i return to work ....


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