Friday, January 28, 2005
PTA Mom
We watched
Desperate Housewives on Monday.
Dan's talked about it a little bit so I shan't. But there was one character that struck me, the full time mom who was a high powered lawyer and gave it up when the first of her 3 hyperactive kids plus baby came along. I felt for her because I get tired just running after my brother's kids for a day. And even more sorry for her when she couldn't even admit that full time motherhood wasn't all that it was cut out to be and had to live out
the eternal myth of motherhood.
It's a scary notion, to give up your entire life for your brood and yesterday, I had a little peep into how easy it is to fall into that situation and realise only 18 years later that you never quite climbed out of it and reclaimed your life.
We leave next Wednesday and there are a whole lot of things that have to be done by then. Money to be changed and meds to be gotten. Meds because we're headed for sub-Artic temperatures that promise to drop further what with blizzard warnings for the days to come. Cards to be printed also because we're cheap and when you're trying to find presents that can be swopped with the other 160 participants at the events, things cannot get cheap enough. So we decided on calling cards, just like the American soldiers, Scarlet Pimpernel and the British aristocracy.
I volunteered to do the card and meds run yesterday. And while it might sound like 2 very simple things to do, it took 3 hours,just running to and from the printers and the pharmacy. It was during one of those runs when it suddenly occurred to me that that was the life of a PTA mom or a full-time mom. You spend your day, picking up the kids, sending them places, car pooling, PTA thingyinmagigs, running
their errands for them and before you know it, the day's come to an end. And not realising that you haven't actually done anything for yourself. Often that realisation isn't had till the kids go off to college in an American context and in a more local context, get married.
It's a frightening notion that it is easy to forget yourself in the process of putting one's children ahead of everything else and not realising that you have your own needs that need to be fulfilled as well. And what is more frightening, is that to quite a large extent, that is expected of you. My mother in law made it quite clear to me even before I married her son that I should only consider going to grad school after the children have grown up. Yes, this was told to me
BEFORE we got married, let alone had kids. And to actually desire one's own needs of fulfillment after children have come into the picture is often frowned upon and labelled as selfish. Of course, there are always idiots out there who make comments like "the child has taken my body for 9 months, now it's time I get it back... No breastfeeding for him/her!" or "I've had to endure swollen ankles, burgeoning weight and the 20 hours of labour, here, the kid's yours to look after..." Yes, there are those. I'm not advocating being selfish. If you want to be selfish, then don't even think about having unprotected sex, in my opinion. I'm just saying that sacrifice is expected and sometimes, that line between full on Jesus dying on the cross type of sacrifice and the sacrifice you make to actually grow up and become a loving, providing and responsible parent is so fine, you don't realise you've crossed it.
And the danger of that is possibly full on resentment when you are made to face what you gave up and where you could possibly be in life had you not given it all up lock, stock and barrel for the car seat, the ballet classes and the packed lunches. Even if there was no resentment, the feeling of having your concept of self so closely tied to being a mother and a provider that when that role disappears when the kid moves out, the empty nest syndrome strikes.
All this, I pondered while making my run for the kids yesterday. I'm happy to do it for them because they're good kids and they really need to have as much done for them now so that they don't fall apart from being tugged and pulled at from different directions. But when I think about kids who expect this from their parents, and parents who are willing to do everything for their kids, then I become a little bit fearful. Is this what awaits me when I have my own brat running around? Will I be considered heartless if I told said brat to take a bus home from school so that Mommy could have a bit of time to herself?
And to assuage my fears, while waiting for the pharamcist to come back from lunch so that he could sell me some Lomotil, I nipped into
Ikea and bought myself a beautiful ballerina poster for no other reason than because I wanted it and it was for me and no one else.
Ondine tossed this thought in at 11:13
0 thoughts...
0 thoughts...
" Far in the stillness, a cat languishes loudly"