Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Ultimate Post... for now

This is the 1000th post for this blog. It's taken me a long time to get here, especially since I haven't written anything here in a while.

And this shall be my ultimate post. For now.

There are various reasons.

1. The most practical reason, I haven't the time. I have 3 kids and a job. And what spare blogging time I have, I much rather spend writing about them. Not so much because I am an obsessive mom but because my memory is so shot that I need to keep a record of their antics otherwise I won't have a clue what they were like growing up, 10 years from now. Also, the blog is for them. So that they can read it, when they are old enough to.

2. In the last few years, I have also found myself become less angsty, politically and socially. Perhaps it had to do with the great state of sleep deprivation but also because there were so many people talking so loudly on their blogs that I didn't feel the need to add in my two cents worth anymore.

3. I have so little time away from the kids. The last thing I want to do is spend in online. I rather spend it with real people out there. I could be spending it talking about the very things that I used to blog about. My most recent, most enjoyable moment was polling night 2011.

It reminded me of college days in Melbourne, where we would organise a huge cook out, leave everything on the dining table and we'd take our food buffet style and eat in front of the television. Instead of the movie, we watched the results of the elections.

And because the results took so long to come in, we made up our own entertainment. Miming a bad news presenter who had overexaggerated and affected gestures, laughing at election's officials and chuckling at the fact that our PM was now a loon.













































And then, of course, my Littlest, wakes up for milk and wonders what the fuss is about and why there are so many people in the house at 2 in the morning.

All this making me very amused and for once light-hearted.































And because this is what I need more than anything, I am trading blogging for time in the real world that will make me feel more human and more connected to those around me.

So, the Wind in My Head which used to blow gales, has petered to a gentle breeze. And it'll stay that way until I get to claim my life back from the kids. And perhaps then, if blogs are not a thing of the past, I might revive this one. Because, this blog has been around with me for a long time and is a part of me, even if it is one that I hardly have time to visit anymore.


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Ondine tossed this thought in at 06:15

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Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Seeking lost love

I received this in my email this evening.

HELLO,

How are you? i hope you are fine, My name is Miss sintia, my heart is seeking for a true lover that will bring joy and happiness back in my life,I am looking for a long term relationship in a man of your kind who understands the need to love and be loved(Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love matters a lot in life)i am waiting for your reply so that i will send you my picture for you to know who i am,Take care and have a nice time.
Miss sintia.

My response:

HELLO back,
My name is Ondine and I am flattered that you have sought me out to be the true lover that will bring you joy and happiness. I'm sure I could make someone happy but I'm not sure how happy you are going to be when you discover that I am really, in all senses of the word, not. a. man. It is good that you are non-discriminating; that distance (from what?) and colour doesn't count. So, it is okay that I like pink and wear nothing but pink? Let me tell you about myself. I have terrible teeth in my terrible jaws and a poisonous wart at the end of my nose. I also have purple prinkles all over my back. And oh! I'm pretty sure I have bad breath too. But it shouldn't bother you since I'm a distance away and it doesn't matter what colour I am.
I had a nice time talking to you.

Ondine.


Totally bizarre. I wish I could have written the response in Spanish which was what the first part of the email was written in.

Ondine tossed this thought in at 23:39

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Thursday, August 05, 2010

THe stupidest thing I've heard

Singapore radio isn't very good. Its music and DJs aren't very good. On occasion, we listen to Malaysian radio because it's got better songs although when the news comes round, it takes us a little while to realise why there's so much news on Klang and Kuala Lumpur.

I've been hearing this 'inspirational, positive' thinking tale on the radio which makes me very annoyed. One, the DJ telling it speaks badly. And two, it's just a bad tale.

It begins with the retelling of the tortoise and the hare. And how the tortoise won the race because the hare took a nap. And the question was posed, what if the hare didn't take a nap? Wouldn't the hare then win? Wouldn't it better if the hare could complete the race without stopping and at a faster pace?

The DJ goes on to say that slow and steady is good, but don't we always prefer someone who can work at a steady and fast rate? And shouldn't we all aim to do that?

Everyday, I've heard this tale and it makes me want to take a club and hit the DJ on the head just to make her stop.

I must say, I absolutely hate the fact that a fable like this has gotten mangled to teach Singaporeans how to be more productive.

I think it's very Singaporean to make everything an abject lesson no matter how contrived it is.


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Ondine tossed this thought in at 05:49

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Friday, July 16, 2010

Behind Door Number 2

My best friend from my 4th year in uni just finished her PhD. It's led me to wonder whether had I taken up the offer at the same time as she had, would I now have extra acronyms behind my name as well?

It really makes me wonder. Would I be married? Would I be back in Singapore? Would I have kids now? And more importantly, would I be a teacher?

9 years ago, I had foolishly and somewhat naively thought that teaching was going to give me a leg up when I eventually did my PhD. Teaching was something I did to gain experience, to be within the education industry so that when I went back to grad school, I would have the lay of the land.

9 years on, I am still teaching whereas my friend's done. She's also married. She's got a beautiful 3 story townhouse that faces the ocean and according to her husband's Facebook updates, was home to a pod of dolphins last week.

Granted she doesn't have kids and I do. The selfish part of me, the non-Mommy part that is exhausted, broke and slightly resentful of my chosen lot in life doesn't really care that she doesn't have kids.

I have an acute case of 'that could have been my life' right now. It's not fair to my children to feel this way, but I am human and this was a big dream of mine that slowly, surely and surreptitiously got chipped away by responsibilities, obligation and inertia. Some people tell me that I can still go back to it.

Can I really? Can I really find my way to Door Number 2 and drag my whole family and life through it and hope to come out happy and unscathed on the other side?

I don't think so.

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Ondine tossed this thought in at 08:26

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Monday, May 24, 2010

Sacrifice

I haven't blogged here in ages. And when I looked at my old blog posts I felt remarkably sad. I don't have the time or the energy to form many coherent thoughts or opinions on matters. And what time I have to write, I write about my kids so that they have something to read next time.

Everyone talks about sacrifices mothers make for their children. It's true. We sacrifice a whole lot. Sleep. Our bodies. Sanity. Money.

But to me, those are not the greatest sacrifices. I'm fine (to some extent) without sleep, I could live with my baby belly, I usually have Packrat to help me regain some semblance of sanity and money, well, money is always a problem. With or without kids.

The biggest sacrifices I feel are things like having the energy to think about the world that exists beyond my family and my 3 children. So, I miss blogging about silly things and having time to formulate snarky opinions about things happening out there.

And then, Sher (a fellow mom) writes about this writing project- eatshopplaylove - that some female overseas Singaporean writers are doing where they write about their lives overseas. While I don't particularly want to be caught in a cross fire between the red shirts and the soldiers in Bangkok, the sheer idea of living overseas and seeing new things, living new experiences is one that I would love.

A friend of mine is preparing to take No Pay Leave for most of next year to follow her husband to Japan while he does his masters there. Another friend of mine was in Ho Chi Minh City for most of last year with her husband as well. Sher quipped that I had already done my stint in Melbourne. But Melbourne as a student was different. We never meant for it to be our last sojourn. Returning to Singapore was supposed to be the sojourn. But as my brother said all those years ago and somewhat ominously at that, "Things happen. Life gets in the way." Indeed, it did.

We would still like to move and still have some intention to but it has become harder logistically and financially to do so. And even if we did, our experiences will be markedly different because of the children we will have in tow.

To me, that is the ultimate sacrifice. Because that would be the one thing I would love to do with Packrat and have given up because of the children. I don't begrudge them that. But I do feel a twinge of wistfulness when I read of the adventures of others. Some would tell me that I have adventures of my own with my children. Yes, that is true. But being out there, being in the world, seeing new things, doing new things and exploring a different way of life, I miss that.

Ondine tossed this thought in at 09:26

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" Far in the stillness, a cat languishes loudly"