Wind In My Head: Behind Door Number 2
Wind In My Head
Friday, July 16, 2010
Behind Door Number 2
My best friend from my 4th year in uni just finished her PhD. It's led me to wonder whether had I taken up the offer at the same time as she had, would I now have extra acronyms behind my name as well?It really makes me wonder. Would I be married? Would I be back in Singapore? Would I have kids now? And more importantly, would I be a teacher?
9 years ago, I had foolishly and somewhat naively thought that teaching was going to give me a leg up when I eventually did my PhD. Teaching was something I did to gain experience, to be within the education industry so that when I went back to grad school, I would have the lay of the land.
9 years on, I am still teaching whereas my friend's done. She's also married. She's got a beautiful 3 story townhouse that faces the ocean and according to her husband's Facebook updates, was home to a pod of dolphins last week.
Granted she doesn't have kids and I do. The selfish part of me, the non-Mommy part that is exhausted, broke and slightly resentful of my chosen lot in life doesn't really care that she doesn't have kids.
I have an acute case of 'that could have been my life' right now. It's not fair to my children to feel this way, but I am human and this was a big dream of mine that slowly, surely and surreptitiously got chipped away by responsibilities, obligation and inertia. Some people tell me that I can still go back to it.
Can I really? Can I really find my way to Door Number 2 and drag my whole family and life through it and hope to come out happy and unscathed on the other side?
I don't think so.
Technorati Tags: Grad School, teaching, Melbourne
Ondine tossed this thought in at 08:26
3 thoughts...
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At 5:08 am
Dot said... Well said. I've always wondered what my Door Number 2 looked like. I'd like to think women on the other side want our lives too :)
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At 11:53 pm
mummy's little pig said...
yes you can! i've met a lady at my bachelor's convo who completed her PhD at 40++. her husband and daughter attended the ceremony.
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At 12:34 pm
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